Moving On, Timing, and New York

Hey Guys,

I will start off by telling you about my day because it is what brought about all these deep thoughts I’m about to disclose. I woke up thrilled  to spend time with my 2 nephews, my sister and my mom, my dad was sick unfortunately. I got to spend some quality time with them and I was overwhelmed with joy when the words, “When are you coming back?” came out of my oldest nephews mouth.  My heart melted and I looked at him and told him, “very soon, ok?!” His sweet response was,
“well it has to be this weekend on Saturday or Sunday because the other days I will be in school. “

I could have cried it made me so happy to hear him say that. Was he actually saying he wanted to see me again soon, and that he wanted to spend time with me??!!??!?!? He’s 5. This all came after my sister had just got done telling me that the only way she got my other nephew (who’s 4) to smile the other day for a picture was to tell him that she was taking a picture to send to me, “Auntie Lauren”. :)

God hasn’t had it in my plans for me  to have children at this point in my life and I’m ok with that for now, because I know he has other plans for me. But, I feel absolutely blessed to have nephews who want to spend time with me. So, on my car ride back home tonight, I felt a little sad because I realized in just a few short weeks I won’t live as close to my sweet little nephews, and sister, and mom, and dad and brother, and sister in law, and all the wonderful friends I have in my life.

This brings me to my next point and something I haven’t talked about yet. I’M MOVING BACK TO NEW YORK!!!! Yes, it is definite. I don’t have a place to live yet, but I will figure it out, and I am certain in my heart about this happening. And, now that I am declaring it on my blog it has to happen. lol. I have been thinking about moving back to New York since I left 6 years ago. And, now the timing feels right and things seem to be falling into place. It’s time for me to move forward and to move on and New York, well…it’s calling me. I took this year to really try to process some things that have happened, to travel, to learn as much as I can and make sure that New York was really where I felt like I needed to be.  And, it is. I’m SO excited.

But, with all that excitement comes a little uneasiness because with such a huge change I know there is certain to be some difficult things ahead, but also really rewarding adventures. These past 9 months I have really been shown who my close friends are, who my loved ones are, and I have tried to be as open and honest with the people I love and care about to let them know how much they really mean to me. Because I’ve had all this growth , I’ve gotten closer with many people and my relationships have really developed, and now…I’m leaving. The fact that I am leaving so many people I love so much and know that I won’t see them nearly as often is really hard. But, I also know that these people who are in my life who really love and care about me, will always be there, no matter where I’m living or traveling to. So, I’ve decided to let it all go… and go after my dreams. I know at the end of the day it’s only going to make me stronger than I already am.

Lastly, I just want to say how amazed I am at God’s timing. I get so anxious worrying about how everything is going to work out but things ALWAYS fall into place. They really do. HE always takes care of me. You may be going through the most difficult time right now, but as time goes on you will soon realize, why that all took place, why you had to go through it to get where you are now, and how it was preparing you for something even greater; a bigger picture than you could ever imagine. Hold on and don’t lose hope.

I’ve never believed in allowing myself to get  too comfortable… I’m addicted to the energy that New York Life brings me. I saw this quote and they couldn’t be more true to me. “There is an inherent energy in NYC that it’s famous for; it makes you want to get up and do a million things all day and stay up all night.”  I want that again…  

Thank you all for reading this post. I appreciate you who take the time to read the things I write.  I’m so excited to see what the future holds for me in New York (Round 2) and I am certain that there are great things to come.

These verses give me so much peace.

“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though I may stumble , I will not fall, for the Lord directs me by his hand. ” Psalm 37:23-24

“God is within her, she will not fall; He will help her at break of every new day.” 

 

Love, Lauren

 

Inside the Mind of an Eating Disorder and the Infamous “Thigh-Gap”

Hi Guys, 

I’m actually shaking a bit as I begin to write this. I’m nervous about what I’m about to talk about and post but I can’t get it out of my head, and feel compelled to share a few words with you. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever write more in detail about my eating disorder, but now that it’s out there…and I received tons of messages of others confessing their struggles, I know it has been placed on my heart to do ALL I CAN to help. Even if it just touches one person and helps them get out of a dark place, realize they are not alone, seek help, or see that there is hope. 

If you are reading this right now, you could be struggling with an eating disorder, know someone who does, or just have seen that term, “thigh-gap” and are curious about this post. Basically, there are hundreds of pictures now out on the internet promoting the “thigh-gap” as a desirable thing. If you don’t know what this is-it’s basically when you put both your feet together standing up and your thighs don’t touch from the hips to your knees. *** I want to make this clear before writing more- I want to promote healthy body image and self esteem and I am not saying that HAVING this desirable “thigh gap” is a bad thing. If you have one…it’s beautiful, if you don’t have one, you’re still beautiful! All bodies are beautiful. 

What I want to talk about is how this infamous “thigh-gap” trend can detrimental to a girls mind who is struggling with an eating disorder. It can be dangerous to try to get yourself to look like an image you see in the media. Most images  are edited, photoshopped, corrected in SOME way. Also, standing with your butt pointed backwards knees turned in and toes slightly turned in will ALSO give many women the look of the thigh gap…NOT ALL IMAGES YOU SEE are real, so why are you damaging your body trying to achieve something that is not even true. This shouldn’t be a surprising statement to any of you, I know that most of you know that images now a days are altered, but the problem is when young girls who’s growing bodies are becoming OBSESSED with these images and do damaging things to themselves to try to look like what they see in the image. 

This is how I’ve decided to get my message across. I am going to post some images of myself when I was in a really dark place. I will admit-I am slightly uncomfortable with this, as I have never showed people these photos before except for my very first agency in New York. I cropped most of my face out in these images because I am NOT this girl anymore. The girl in these photos was very sick, she was destroying her body, and not the woman she is today. But my hope in posting these photos is to take you inside MY mind -what was really going through My HEAD as a girl with anorexia. The thoughts may surprise you-and these images are pretty disturbing to me looking back. They are reminders of a very difficult time. 

104photo 2-11

As you can see in these photos, my bones very clearly cut through my skin. In the photo on the left, you can actually see my ribcage in my upper chest. I was not straining my neck although it looks like I am because you can see veins protruding. In the photo on the right, I was 18. It was one of the first shots my agency took of me. It’s alarming to me looking back because clearly I HAD A PROBLEM, but no one in New York told me I was too thin or asked if I was doing ok- (I never believed there was such a thing as too thin). I think I could have been a skeleton. 

When these photos were taken I STILL thought I had too big of a booty. I thought my face was too round, I thought my thighs were too big.. even when I looked like this. And, please note- at this point in my life, I did NOT have a thigh gap. My thighs touched.  But, if I had lost anymore weight at this point to try to ACHIEVE that desirable thigh gap , I may not be around today. So my point is this… NO MATTER what size you are, if you don’t love who you are not for what you look like but WHO you are, you won’t be happy. When I was at this point, I was MISERABLE. I had NO energy to workout, or go out with people and have fun,  all I did was sleep and try to get through the day with as little to eat as possible and trying to make my agents an clients happy.  

One of my dreams is that women would encourage each other more and lift each other up for our individuality instead of critiquing each others bodies or appearances. We are all created differently. 

We are all beautiful.  Love yourself for your valuable and unique qualities. Life is full of too many wonderful things to keep trying to be someone that you weren’t made to be, to struggle to look like an image you see. BE YOU. LOVE YOU. 

Til my next post!

Love,

Lauren

Jen’s Story- Beauty at a Makeup Counter

The other day I was catching up with a friend and she recalled an incident that happened to her while passing by the makeup section at a department store. I found it very powerful and wanted to share it with you guys! 

I want to preface this by saying that I used to work retail for a makeup company and the only reason I felt confident doing this was because I TRULY loved and believed in the product that I was selling. I wore it myself and found it easy to tell customers about a product I loved. By nature, I am not an outgoing person, and always feel pushy and “fake” when I am being told to say something specific to help the sales of a product. So, for that reason I have always enjoyed the “artistry” part of my job as a makeup artist and found that if it was  something I truly believed in and used myself sales came naturally. 

Back to Jen’s story. She was out shopping, running some errands and lives in Hawaii. It is the hottest time of the year right now and she happened to be out and about without any makeup on. While passing the makeup department a makeup artist who worked at a counter approached her and said, ” I have the perfect COVERAGE for your complexion.” 

Jen replied, ” What’s wrong with my complexion that it would need coverage?” He stumbled over his words taken back by her response. He then told her that it is his JOB to say that to people in order to help drive sales. She then asked to speak with the cosmetic store manager and told them that she was VERY upset by this sales approach and the words that this makeup artist said to her.

She said she was trying to be confident running around with a natural face and no makeup and didn’t need anyone telling her there was something to “correct” or “cover” on her face. She expressed that she believed they should re-think their sales approach and their view of real beauty. 

When Jen told me this, I was so PROUD of her for being bold enough to say something about how she felt in this situation. I think this is a very common approach from employees who need to sell makeup. They are told to say certain things to draw the customer in… after all it is THEIR job to SELL the makeup, but at the end of the day, “WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?” Are we telling women that they NEED to cover up their under eye circles and blemishes in order to be more beautiful? I will admit that I feel more confident when I use makeup to put my best face forward. And, since I am a makeup artist, I like to present myself in that way. It’s also fun for me to enhance my features to the best of my ability. But- I also know that it is not what makes me a beautiful person. 

So my thought was, maybe the cosmetic industry just needs to be more mindful on their sales approach when going up to women in a department store. Don’t tell women what they NEED to FIX, tell them what you find beautiful about them… strike up a conversation, ask them how their day is going, then maybe as you connect with that person they will want to spend more time talking and if they are looking for makeup, they will trust you enough to help them with some tips and tricks. This is just a thought. :) You don’t need to fix or cover anything, you’re beautiful for how you were created and for the qualities that make you YOU-believe that! 

I wanted to wrap this up by posting a  “no makeup selfie” I took with my nephew…since USUALLY all my photos I am wearing makeup and I like to post pictures like that cause you know me and my mascara are tight like that. HAHA ;) Remember this “Just because she’s beautiful, doesn’t mean you’re not”.

 photo 1-9One of my best friends asked me one day, “Lauren, do you think you’re beautiful… do you know you’re beautiful?” I almost started crying… because I had to think about it. 

So, this is my challenge to you… ask yourself this question today, “what are the things that make me beautiful? Do you KNOW you’re beauty.” For me I must remind myself of these things daily. It’s a daily struggle and I think for many women it is.But-I’m here to encourage you!

Love you all! 

Lauren

 

 

Believe in Your Beauty -Share a Story…

Hey Guys!

I had an idea and I’m excited to share it with all of you!! A few weeks ago I wrote about my eating disorder. It definitely wasn’t easy for me but I was overwhelmed with loving and supporting comments and it has only encouraged me to share more!

When I thought about it, I realized how much just sharing that story has really helped me. It was extremely freeing to disclose something so personal and it has made me feel stronger. I got many personal messages after that from women who struggle with body image, self- esteem, beauty, eating disorders, depression, etc .So, it’s made me think…why not make this more of a regular thing?!?!?

We all have powerful stories…and I want to SHARE SOME OF YOURS! Many girls email me telling me about their issues or struggles but I think some have a difficult time putting their thoughts and feelings into words. So, I’d like to help!

I think we can all really learn and feel more empowered through sharing stories with each other. So, here’s my thought; If you feel comfortable, send me a story…it can be anything that you are battling or struggling with. If you don’t feel comfortable with me sharing your name in a blog post, I don’t have to. But-this could really be a way we can all encourage each other, lift each other up and feel stronger and  more beautiful! Not only will it help you, but it’s going to help others!

If you want to help me spread the word so I can get as many stories, quotes or messages about beauty, positive body image or self-esteem as possible please share this blog post on your Facebook, Twitter, etc and use the hashtag #Believeinyourbeauty  

I am SO excited about this!!!! :)

I may be contacting you if you’ve shared a story with me already… so look for many more blog posts coming soon!! YAY!

Remember this and don’t compare yourself to others: ” Just because she’s beautiful, doesn’t mean you’re not”. 

LOVE YOU GUYS!

Lauren

photo 1-8

 

 

 

Surviving Anorexia

Most people wouldn’t know this from meeting me today, but I am a recovering anorexic. I am by no means proud in anyway to say that. It’s actually the opposite, I am disgusted and saddened that it was an illness that consumed my mind for many years. I even hesitated using that word “anorexia” in the title for this confession but I figured that it would capture the most people’s attention. It’s true, it’s honest, it’s real and it’s part of my story.

My hopes and goals in writing about this today are to inspire some of you who may be struggling with whatever you are going through, whether that is an eating disorder, being insecure in who you are or any other battle you are dealing with in your life, we all have them. I also want to clear up any possible misconceptions you have heard about eating disorders. My other personal goal is to truly confess and free myself as a sort of healing process. I have never written fully about my experience or confessed publicly that this is something I battled. Today, I woke up and felt it necessary to do this in order to free myself and move forward in my life. I had always known I wanted to write about my experience but never felt it was the right time until this moment.

I have come a long way, and I can honestly say that I am really proud that I have survived what I went through to get to where I am at now.

Let’s start from the beginning. I first started feeling insecure about my body in middle school. I think I was in 6th or 7th grade. I was very athletic, and fit… I was always in wonderful shape because I played a ton of sports and had a very sporty and popular group of friends. Looking back, I had absolutely NOTHING to be insecure about. I remember I started getting comments as I got into puberty from boys about my “GB”, ghetto booty. Ha-ha. It’s funny thinking back and looking at pictures because I really didn’t have much of anything… I guess I was just more hourglass shaped than maybe some of the other girls, and always tended to have a little extra in the “booty” department. I have more of a pear shape, and any extra goes to my hips and butt. :) Anyway, to make a long story short… I think that is where it began. I started feeling insecure.

From there, I started getting interested in fitness and health around 7th or 8th grade…(I was 13). I read a ton about nutrition, and fitness and started eating really clean and healthy and cut out a lot of sugar and processed foods out of my diet. I worked out like normal, but because I made these changes I started losing some weight and getting really trim. I would get comments constantly from peers and by 9th grade, my first year of high school, I looked really thin and loved all the attention I was getting. It was then that what had started as a way to just get healthy became my everyday obsession and consumed my mind at all times.

In the beginning, it was not that I felt like I needed to lose weight. I just wanted to be healthy and I was fascinated by nutrition and even started thinking about being a nutritionist when I grew up. But, I think once I realized that being really thin and looking the way I did got me attention, I become obsessed. And, I was in HIGH SCHOOL. That is often the time everyone is the most insecure and trying to figure out who they are. I felt on top of the world for a while. I had a ton of attention from boys, and all the girls would ask me about what I ate, my clothes, hair and makeup…it all became about my physical appearance. I knew I was pretty (I was always told that), but I didn’t BELIEVE I was beautiful. I started to identify myself based on my physical appearance instead of the person I was inside.

Naturally, my parents saw what was going on and they started to get concerned in my 9th grade year. I was 15. I remember going for a walk with my mom one day, and her telling me that they were going to admit me into Methodist Hospital into the “EDU” Eating Disorder Unit. Side note, at this time, this was the same floor that they kept the mentally ill patients on, the ones who were suicidal. But now looking back, I understand why they put the two together…both are disorders of the mind.

When my mom told me the news, as sick and twisted as this sounds, I remember feeling happy in a way, naïve of what would actually come. I didn’t think I had a problem because I felt like I was in control of it. I just looked at it as a vacation from high school for a while, and I liked the idea of that. But, I had NO idea what was to come and the long journey this would lead to and the devastation and confusion it caused for my friends and family. I was so selfish at this time, it was ALL about me and I didn’t consider how this could affect others around me.

Being in the hospital for an eating disorder was one of the scariest and worst experiences I have ever been through. It was not as I thought, it was 100 times worse. It was terrifying as a 15-year-old girl. I kept a journal while I was there and wrote about how lonely and scary it was being away from my parents for the first time. I felt like I was with a bunch of sick and crazy people and thought I was the only person without a problem because I still felt like I was IN CONTROL. But, I wasn’t and everyone else knew this except me. We had to eat 6 times a day and were watched intently at each meal, unable to leave until you had finished everything. And, they didn’t care what you liked and didn’t like, you had to eat what you were given. As a child and still to this day, I hardly ever eat meat…and I remember days that seemed like torture when I had to eat a beef chimichanga, a hamburger, or a tuna fish sandwich; I thought I was going to die. Ha-ha. I was picked and prodded several times a day to check my blood, and heart rate. A nurse would stand outside the shower to make sure you didn’t harm yourself and we were watched like hawks when we slept too. A nurse would come in a couple times during the night to make sure we were all still breathing. And, I remember trying to drink gallons of water before my weigh-ins to make it look like I had gained weight. I could write a whole book on my experience in the EDU. I have crazy stories.

Soon my inpatient treatment became outpatient treatment and my mom would have to drive me to the hospital everyday like a day care and drop me off and then pick me back up after dinner. I saw psychiatrists and psychologists and wasn’t allowed anything but very moderate exercise. We would have weigh-ins daily…and everything was calculated and monitored by a doctor. But, I still didn’t think I had a problem and actually picked up silly tricks and tips on how to cut and burn calories from other girls and boys in the unit. Finally, I think my parents gave up on the hospital treatment, and I came back home and got a tutor instead of going back to high school because of the shame and embarrassment I felt.

At this point, I had lost a lot of contact with all my friends; I had no social life…I was just trying to get through each day. Mealtimes were hard, homework was hard, physical activity was hard; everything except sleep was difficult for me. It all was just a stupid game at the time. I didn’t KNOW I had a serious problem. But, it controlled my entire life and had robbed me of all the joys that high school can bring and those precious years with friends. I never went to prom, and I don’t remember going to any parties, I stayed at home a lot of the time. I quit all my sports, stopped playing the piano, which had always been a natural talent but since I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t do it.

When I was 16, I started modeling. I joined agencies in Minneapolis and started booking jobs and making my own money. It was also around this time that I started realizing I wanted to be in New York City. I had taken a trip out there and fell in LOVE with it. It became my goal and dream to live in New York. So, I made it my mission to get out there after I finished high school. I did post secondary and took college classes, graduated, and moved to New York when I was 18 and immediately started modeling with an agency there. It was a very exciting time in my life. I was SO motivated and driven and New York City had captured my heart. I was so in love with the energy it gave me, and the drive and determination I felt when I was there. I did some really incredible things at a young age, modeled for book covers, print ads, fashion shows, showrooms, was in a few movies, and had TV appearances. It was all really exciting.

But, what I haven’t mentioned is that I was still crazy obsessed with my body image and how I looked and being in the modeling industry wasn’t helping me. I should rewind and mention that when I was 17, almost all my hair fell out…I had to cut off my long hair and start over so it didn’t look so thin. Some of the other things that were happening to my body at this time was I was developing osteoporosis, the doctors told me I HAD to start eating more or I would have major bone loss. I had lost my period and was told that it may never come back and I may never be able to have children. There were several other disturbing and gross complications that come along with an eating disorder that I will not go into at this time. But, even after EVERYTHING I had been through at this point, I did not feel like I wanted to get better. I was on a high and I didn’t want to lose that; after all it was how I identified myself, it was WHO I felt like I was at that time. I loved being known for the way I looked and would get comments from people daily. It was sick and terrible. The days I wouldn’t get compliments on my appearance I felt I had no value because I was so used to hearing it everyday. Most people that knew me in my modeling years didn’t know how bad it really was. They might have been suspicious being that I hardly ever ate anything, couldn’t concentrate longer than 2 minutes, was always freezing cold, would collapse in the middle of the street for no apparent reason and had no social life.

There’s so much more I want to write about in regards to New York but I’ll save that for another time. With as many amazing things that happened there, it was still really hard for me. After 3 years, and moving 8 times, I came to the realization that if I didn’t leave the city, try to start again somewhere new, remove myself from modeling, I couldn’t fully recover or heal. I was drained, exhausted and wanted more out of life. So, I came back to Minnesota (where my family was) and went back to school, stopped modeling and made it my mission to try to discover more about who I was and focus less on the way I looked. I just got to a point where I had “had enough”. I was too tired to keep “trying to be perfect”; I had spent 6 or 7 years of my life in this bubble of trying live up to a certain ideal; and I was just exhausted.

I knew at that point that I had an eating disorder, and I knew I needed help. But, it took that long to admit that to myself. I didn’t know how to get over it; I just knew that leaving New York and modeling at that time was the best thing for me. And, truthfully…I was scared. There were several days that I remember praying to God asking him to please help me get through the day, to please wake me up in the morning, hoping I wouldn’t die in my sleep without my family close by. My hair was falling out, I was really weak and tired all the time, and I STILL didn’t have my period. After about 5 years of not getting my period, I started worrying that I would NEVER be able to have my own kids. I knew what was going on with my body wasn’t healthy, and I knew I had no choice but to get better. I was not going to let it defeat me; I was only 21 and I knew that I had a lot of amazing things ahead of me.

My life changed drastically after that point. I came home and started reading my bible daily, working out, eating healthy, praying a lot, asking God to help me discover what was my next chapter and my faith really grew. I went back to work as a makeup artist, grew and developed that passion for artistic expression. I kept a journal, started a blog and did many other artsy types of things including painting and photography, and started developing more of my passions.

It has been several years now, and a lot has happened… I went through a divorce last year, which has forced me to become more independent and self-reliant. I have been traveling a lot in the past 6 months. I’ve been back to New York, Chicago and Mexico for work; Hawaii for vacation and the most incredible doors have opened up for me through makeup artistry and I am still very passionate about what I do. It allows me to still be involved in beauty but stay open to other things and not be fixated on MY personal appearance but connect with other people and try to “lift them up”, bring light and love to their life, and try to help them discover beauty within themselves through the gift of artistic expression.

I can honestly say that at this point in my life I feel the best I ever have both mentally and physically. I have recently started doing hip hop dancing and boxing…and even though I know I’m not perfect, I’m content with knowing I’m never going to be. Now, I can say to myself, “that’s totally alright”. I try to focus more on being healthy and less on being perfect. I’ve learned more about LOVE than ever before in the past 7 months , both in loving others and loving yourself. I have taken more risks and let go of more fears in the past 7 months than I have in the past 7 years!  There are still difficult days, many of them …and at times I still struggle with body image thoughts and concerns but it doesn’t consume my life anymore.

This has been something I’ve wanted to share for a long time, and always hesitated. I was concerned with letting this go, something I have held onto for years. I was scared that no man would ever want to be with me knowing I had struggled with this. But, I don’t care anymore because I respect myself enough to know that whoever I end up with should love me for me and not judge me based on my past. I am really proud of who I’ve become and what I’ve had to go through to get here. I wouldn’t be who I am today had I not of experienced these things I did. I just keep telling myself, I’ve come a LONG way and I have a LOT to be thankful for.

I don’t know what the future holds; a big city has been on my mind, New York in particular. I think I left a piece of myself there when I had to leave in order to find healing. For now, I am putting my trust in God, and what he has designed for my life. I am going to keep doing me. And, I know that everything is going to be ok.

 

Sam Smith Music : Current Favorite

Hey Guys!

It’s been a while since my last post. I’ve been finding a lot of therapy in music lately. My favorite singer recently is an artist named Sam Smith. If you haven’t heard about him, he’s a british singer songwriter who’s 22 years old and has an incredible voice!! His album hasn’t been released yet but you can find some of his music on iTunes, and I’ve been listening to all of his music on Youtube.

His song, “Stay with me” was the first one that I heard.  I traveled a lot in April; I was in Hawaii for 10 days and New York for 5 days; I listened to the song, Stay with me and Lay me down almost everyday of the month and I still love them! Here are the videos so you can also check them out.

 

This month (May), my favorite songs of his are: “I told you now” and ” Not in that Way”.

 

 

There isn’t one song of his that I’ve heard that I don’t like. :) It is rare that I am so in love with an artists voice that I like every single one of their songs; so I had to share these videos on my blog!

 

Love,

Lauren

 

Oceans~ Where Feet May Fail

Sometimes a song hits your heart at the right moment. Today , I heard this song on the radio for the first time and it gave me so much encouragement. The song is called, Oceans (where feet may fail) by Hillsong. If you’ve never heard it, I hope you will listen to it. I’m linking a video of it with the lyrics. I think this woman’s voice is absolutely stunningly beautiful. :)

Often, things in our head get foggy, they get clouded, or unclear. We seek clarity because  life can get confusing and too much “stuff” can complicate our lives. Many times, the best thing for me to do is to try to stop thinking so much, to just shut my brain off-so to speak. (It’s much easier said than done.) I often know the right thing to do, I often know the right thing to say, but I let the thoughts in my head get in the way of what I know to be truth in my heart. Truth brings things to light. This song reminded me to just, relax.

I hope all of you who are reading this are having an amazing day. I hope you feel loved, empowered, and encouraged today!

Love,

Lauren