so much to say.. and no time to write.

    I am staring at my alarm clock.. it is 11:15 pm and I need to be up by 7 am to be at a group training day for MAC.  I know I am in for a long day tomorrow and I have a million other things I should do right now. Read my voice book, journal about my voice book, find a childrens book to read to the class, Read my Art of personal essays book, along with my other best essays book, write my 5 page paper, read my creative writing book, journal for creative writing, Do my online discussion posts etc etc.    As you can see….I don’t have a lot of extra time. yet, My blog needs a new post and I need to pay it some attention.

Alright, Ill start with Esther.    As I have breifly mentioned ..I started a group study of the book of Esther.  I am excited about this because it is a book of the Bible I have never really applied myself to  fully and tried to understand.   This also excites me because Its about a WOMAN!  Its the one of two books that is named after a woman! and over the next few weeks I want to share what I learn. 

 NOTE: (This will be just as much for MEN as it is for Women.  Why?? because….much of the lessons are just as much applicable to MEN.   The bible is for everyone… and no part should be read by ONLY MEN or ONLY WOMEN.  So guys listen up to. It may also help you get a little insight to a OUR world.)

It’s Tough being a woman in another woman’s shadow

what do I mean? Ill tell you what..we are told to be like this …look like that..EVERYTHING but content..everything but happy with ourselves.  And me-  being the perfectionist that I am.. definately has a problem with this one!!!!!!!

I will start by telling you that a poll as taken by women to name the 3 toughest things about being a woman.  Ill start with #3.  Submission..or yeilding.  In today’s world..we are told to be independent and take charge….but we are supposed to be submissive to our husbands….and this can be a tough one for us INDEPENDENT women like beyonce’ likes to portrey we are.   #2 . Balance.   In  work, school, Time , family etc etc.  and #1 Hormones..and a funny line was spoken in reguards to this one….”  so..we have our week of Menses….our week of  the Pre-Menstral and our week of the Post-menstral…that leaves us with about only one GOOD week a month”!

On a very personal note.. I am constantly haunted or shall I say reminded of some of my life spent in New york.. I still get days that I wonder what I could be doing there right now.  I tell myself I am happy..but theres still somthing inside of me that has not been able to shake the memories out of my mind.  I often feel like I am living a 80/20 life.  Meaning I am 80 percent sure im on the right track.. and 20 percent Unsure. 

So I was told the first morning of class..we all have a destiny and we’re going to learn about this supposed Destiny… well honestly, the WORD Destiny is a little weird to me.. it sounds like somthing fake magical.  Like somthing out of a children’s book.  But  I do feel a little uncertain and I certainly want  God to help me in my journey.  so, I  might think twice on this word destiny…… who knows it may grow on me.  We will have to see. 

Ephesian’s 1:11 says – even when we’re blind to the evidence , God works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will. 

Philippians 2:13 says- God works IN YOU to will and to act according to his purpose.

whats the point of these?? SEEK TO KNOW  if you SEEK to KNOW Him his WILL… his PURPOSE for our lives will find us. 

God has a plan and he’s going to fufill it with or without you..God will not fufill Your  personal destiny without you.  So SEEK his word.. SEEK him out.   This way, we know that God will work through us. 

Thats all I have for tonight…. I do get confused at times but If someone were to offer me a plane ticket  tonight to  fly me to NYC.. I’d  have to say No.  (and I know that I am the type of person who will go after somthing If I want it)  so.. this tells me..I must be doing alright.


2 thoughts on “so much to say.. and no time to write.

  1. Hey Lauren, I’ve been waiting for your thoughts. I have only a few. Here it is:
    * perhaps the word ‘destiny’ is synonymous with ‘purpose’/’role’/’path’ heading us toward fulfillment …. our “own” fulfillment.

    * regarding the roles of women … yes it is hard to be a woman today…. a “good” woman .. we have so many responsiblities / expectations tugging at us. This is why its necessary to study or hear of other women who “made it.” No ONE … certainly no intelligent man or woman can undermine the challenges facing us living today. To do so would indicate a person lacking in any type of savvy. Forget the environment; politics and all of the outward tugs …. women deal with their hormones and emotions which truly make us a special creature. To deny our role as women and the influence/s that we may hold is a mistake. We definitely need our time of quiet; prayer; reading …. relaxation to be as effective as possible in our private lives; family lives and THEN our careers .. whatever path we go. It all begins in our core; in our values and our belief system.

    The “tugs” that we feel in ourselves … this is what you described as 80/20. I believe you are on the right path. Time will show you.

    I think you must learn not to doubt yourself. For whatever your reasons, you decided to leave NYC – you have that experience – and it has helped you become who you are today. Don’t look back. I also tend to doubt myself and so I share this with you. Be discerning interiorly – see it and then forge ahead – as you obviously have.

    That’s all for now…….

  2. i musn’t ever have doubt , you’re right about that! I do have peace with what I’ve done…thanks for your insight.
    Lots of love. Lo

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